Bread – we all love it. Maybe a baguette is right up your alley. Maybe you hate ciabatta. Or maybe soft buns are your cup of tea. We dislike some types of bread but love others – and that’s valid. Here we will explore some of those negative feelings you might have for bread. Obviously, the definition of “types of bread” varies from person to person, but here is my take on all things bread. I’d also like to bring your attention to @nats_baking on Instagram. Natalie is an Islander who posts the wonderful bread she bakes, leaving us hungry and longing to get a whiff of her loafs. Anyways, the big question of the today is …What bread would I bring to a zombie apocalypse?
10. Raisin bread
Ok, nothing against raisins, but raisin bread… That’s a different story. The only reason I’m bringing this loaf to an apocalypse is so that I could throw it at the zombies, which would give me time to run away whilst they’re distracted by the horror that is raisin bread. Why such an abomination was invented is beyond me.
9. Pineapple buns
Who wouldn’t love a good pillowy pineapple bun to remind them of simpler times, when we weren’t stuck in a zombie apocalypse? Pineapple buns are a staple in Hong Kong culture and are available in most Hong Kong-style cafes (茶餐廳 cha chaan ting). I really like Red Tea Cafe’s pineapple buns because they’re inexpensive and addictive.
8. Éclairs
Similar to the next bread in line but less soft and much stickier. The brittle chocolate coating on the soft choux pastry with pastry cream inside is simple, classic, and rich. This sweet snack, like your average donut, is also good for an energy boost.
7. Cream puffs
I cannot stress enough how glorious these are. The only reason it’s this far down the list is that it melts easily and your chances of finding a working fridge amid a zombie apocalypse are extremely low. The soft ice cream-like filling paired with the bread makes for an amazing bite. To satisfy your need for an amazing cream puff, go to Châteraisé. Although they don’t specialize in cream puffs, they do offer the best ones I’ve eaten. I hope that Châteraisé would survive the zombie apocalypse – I can’t imagine a life without their cream puffs!
6. Flatbread
What can I say? It’s mouthwateringly good. There are variations of it – the ones I’m most familiar with are golden pastry flatbread, green onion flatbread, and pizza. The Chinese flatbreads my mom makes are the best. They taste heavenly, with the perfect combination of salt, vegetable oil, green onion, and dough. Also, flatbread is multi-purpose. You can rap whilst making a wrap, taco-bout (talk about) making a taco, you name it. You can also throw it at a zombie, which would be a waste, but you gotta do what you gotta do to survive. The flatbread’s wide surface area makes it the perfect weapon as it might well land on their eyes, shielding their vision and giving you a chance to escape.
5. Croissants
So soft, so flaky, so crunchy, and most importantly, a viral meme. (“Stahp, I could’ve dropped my croissant!”) You can also get variations of these, ranging from chocolate croissants to sandwich croissants. For a full variety of different flavors, go to Hazukido (八月堂 Ba yue tang) as they have a huge array of croissants you can try out. Expensive, but absolutely delicious.
4. Ezekiel bread
I thought I should add an actual practical answer. Never tried it – probably won’t taste good as others on this list so don’t quote me on this. According to Healthline, which is medically reviewed, Ezekiel bread is the most nutritious and healthiest bread type due to its ingredient – sprouted grains. This bread contains multiple types of grains and legumes such as wheat, millet, barley, spelled, soybean, and lentils. These are sprouted, meaning they reduce antinutrients, which block nutrients from being absorbed, ensuring that you absorb all the nutrients you need to survive an apocalypse. However, these do contain gluten, so if you are gluten intolerant… better luck next time!
3. Donuts
A sugary treat and we love them. Donuts are probably not the healthiest, but you can quickly gobble one down to acquire an extra boost of adrenaline, (a myth, by the way) allowing you to run for your life. In a non-zombie-apocalypse-situation however, I would recommend J.CO Donuts – great donuts with comprehensive variety. They do get quite sweet though, so do-not eat too many!!
2. Baguettes
Baguettes are a difficult one. I haven’t had the best experience with baguettes (they all break my teeth) but I still believe in their potential. Baguettes are perfect for an apocalypse. Not only can you snack on it, but if it grows stale, you can also use it as a bat to strike some zombie heads. Fantastick!
1. Mochi bread (according to Yamazaki, Porbiria)
To end things off, a bread I definitely can’t live without (#firstworldproblems). I have an obsession with these. Why are they so good? Who allowed the creation of such chewy deliciousness?! I am beyond grateful to have experienced this in my lifetime and if you haven’t, you are missing out. Personally, I recommend the Mong Kok East station Yamazaki specifically, as their Mochi bread is huge, has a crunchy exterior with a soft interior, and is absolutely delicious. I don’t know what they do at the Mong Kok East branch (likely witchcraft), but these are the best things I have ever tasted. Not to mention, you get your money’s worth! Each mochi bread only costs $3.3 – though, this probably wouldn’t matter in the event of an apocalypse.
To conclude, whatever you do, bring bread to an apocalypse. I hope this bread ranking has helped you decide what bread(s) you would bring to such a drastic situation. And Chateraise, Hazukido, Red Tea Cafe, and Yamazaki… I’ll be patiently waiting for those sponsorships 🙂
